This is a completely different way of looking at fear and yes, in some ways it is good! You should never be fearful of trying things or for going for something that you really want, but if you take your fear and turn it into something positive like confidence or courage, then then the good side of things will always come out of what you think might be bad! ♥
I'm really, really scared right now...
I think I'm falling back into it again.
I really don't know what to do, I can't tell my parents, they didn't even know the first time it happened, and I can't tell my cousin, because I have no clue how she'll react, for all I know she'll freak out and blame it on herself and spiral out of control.
I feel like a hypocrite.
I'm always telling her and other people to eat, and not worry about their size, and to be comfortable in their skin. And here I am, almost on my 3rd day without any food. I’ve started with my dehydration training again, which really scares me because I did that before as well alongside the anorexia.
Whenever I eat now for the past two months, I’ve gotten these massive painful crippling stomach cramps. I can’t do anything for a good 5 minutes, they’re horrible. I’m afraid to eat because if I do I’ll have these horrible, HORRIBLE cramps. I can’t go out and eat with friends, because if I do I’ll have these cramps. And now it’s gotten to the point where I’m not even hungry anymore. I’ll go to the kitchen to make a sandwich, I’ll take a bite or two, then throw it out, because I’m not hungry anymore.
I started calorie counting without even noticing it, and I never bothered to try and stop it after I realized it. This is all my fault ;( I’ve started to notice that when I’m talking without even realizing it, I’ll point out how fucking fat I am. I know I’m not like obese or anything, but I just… Feel fat. There’s nothing I can seem to do about it, and I’m afraid I’ll continue on this path if I don’t do something about it soon, but I just don’t know what to do anymore… I hate talking to people about it because I feel like I’m just putting unneeded stress on them, and that they don’t/shouldn’t care about my stupid problem that I shouldn’t even have.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t go the doctor about the pain, because I leave in two days, and I can’t go while I’m gone because then everyone will know I’ve gone to the hospital and will freak out.
I’ll be staying with my cousin who I’ve been hypocritically helping get over her anorexia, and if she finds out that I’ve started again I don’t even want to think what will happen…
A;sehfioasjheifa;sef I just want this to end ;(
Hey there my lovely ♥ I’m so sorry for the terribly late reply! I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me!
I sincerely hope everything’s working out for you now sweetie but I’m still going to offer you whatever help I can and I hope this’ll help you ♥
Now, I haven’t had any encounters with eating disorders myself, but I know that quite a few of my friends have and still are going through problems and I know that the hardest thing for them is the attention it draws to them. I know you’re worried about your friends and family finding out, especially as you’ve been putting on such a strong front and being a truly amazing person to everyone else, but my lovely, anorexia is not an issue that can usually be dealt with by yourself. It’s not just a basic, common illness that can be cured with medication, and although many people fail to recognise it and can easily dismiss it as being ‘attention-seeking’, it’s a serious issue that soon becomes a way of life and it takes the utmost willpower and determination to get rid of the ‘fat feeling’.
The first thing you need to do is find someone close to you who you can completely and utterly trust with your life. Whether it’s a friend or a member of family, find someone who you know won’t make you feel bad or guilty about your situation but can just provide a ear for you to share your problems with. You don’t have to share your problems wth everyone you know, but with this one person you need to be completely honest sweetie and let out everything. We always feel like noone needs to or should be bothered by our ‘silly’ problems, but that’s definitely not the case. You’ll be surprised at how people really do care and do genuinely want to help. But if they feel like this is something out of their power and suggest that you seek professional help, accept it. It may be the only way to truly recover from this and you need to keep all your options available if you don’t want to fall back into old ways ♥
But don’t consider yourself a hypocrite lovely!! That’s definitely not the right word!! We’re all the same! We see the right path for everyone else, but turn a blind eye to our own problems. More than anything, your caring towards others shows just how incredible and strong you are and how you truly know what’s best ♥ But to get rid of the feeling about yourself, try writing all your feelings down concerning your weight and keep them in an envelope in a safe place. Don’t look at them for around a week or two, then open the envelope and read all your feelings as though they were the thoughts of a friend. This might seem like a strange thing to do but as you’ve been trying so hard to help your friends, you might find that the answers to your problems may come straight to you and you might find that your mentality has changed. Of course this may not work, but anything is worth trying my lovely! You really do not deserve to feel like you’re anything less than beautiful and you should never ever dislike who you are! ♥
And there are so many little things you could try for yourself if professional help isn’t something you want to try straight away! It’s completely understandable that not everyone feels comfortable talking about personal issues with a complete stranger and it takes a lot of time to feel comfortable dealing with your issues yourself. Personally, I feel like a good shock is always a good cure for a habit or problem. Read all the facts about anorexia, read the effects of calorie counting, the effects of the mindset and all the problems it can bring. It sounds like a horrible thing to do, I know, but the shock may just horrify you out of your problem and it may be strong enough to make sure it doesn’t return. Things like this have worked for so many people sweetie, but the key to this is to make sure that you don’t do it half-heartedly! Don’t skip any details that seem too gruesome, and don’t pick the facts that sugar-coat! It’s hard my lovely but to really make this work you need the raw facts! But I know you’re strong, and I know you’ll make this work ♥
What really worries me however is the stomach pains! You simply cannot go without food or nutrition for long periods of time. The effects of this can be disastrous. But at the same time, it’s horrible to think that you’re suffering while eating! If it’s just solid food that causes the pain, how about you try to eat soup and other mushy foods first and work your way up until you can eat normally again? It’ll be much better than going with no sustenance at all sweetie but if you find that you can eat no foods at all, I seriously urge you to visit a doctor and to find an eating alternative! This really shouldn’t be the case my lovely, not just for you but for anyone!! ♥
I really really hope that this helps you my dear and that you will find a way to recover from this and return to the incredible amazing person I know you are! ♥ Just keep yourself open to whatever options are offered to you and stay strong and I promise you that it will all work out someday! If oyu ever nee anything, please just send me a message and I’ll be happy to help in whatever way I can! ♥
Stay strong and never forget that you’re amazing! Much love!
Tania ♥ xx
To all my beautiful followers, I must apologise profusely for being away for so long. Your continued support of my blog means everything to me and I appreciate it so so much! ♥ That little thing called life caught up with me and it’s been so hard to find time for anything! I hope and pray however that you’re all okay my lovelies, and that life has been treating you well ♥ I’ll do my best to keep up with this blog as much as possible and to be there for you all whenever you need me so please please please don’t hesitate to ask me anything! I’m always here for you!
Stay strong and never forget that you’re amazing!!
Tania ♥ xx