Hello my dear Tania, I believe I am writing you again because things aren’t well… I may feel better if I only talk to you… I just need to know that someone is there for me and actually understands me. I am feeling the worst lately, I am feeling sad, all depressed, tired, and I feel like I can’t breathe lately. You know that I am an horrible person and I actually criticize myself very much, but because I feel like if I do that maybe I’ll get better. For example I hate being inferior than other people, but I am feeling like that everytime that I know that my supposed “friends” (because they tell it to me not because I ask, otherwise they would know I feel the WORST!) did get a better score than I in some subject, I feel horrible, I don’t want to be like that, but I do feel like that, because I know that I want to be better than them but I just can’t, I don’t know why…But I never can’t, and it makes me so sad, that they are more intelligent than I, or better than I. I just want to be a bit more smart, and show to them that I am actually good… So why can’t I be good enough? After all that a do to make sure I will be the best. It just doesn’t work… I feel so sad, lately I just want to cry forever! I even talked to my poor mum and she is so nice to me, so kind (I am so sorry, to tell you this, because I know you don’t have actually the luck I have and I know I am being such an horrible and selfish person. Please forgive me honey) . My mum, she forgives me all the time, she just want me to be happy, and when I cry in front of her I know I am being weak, and I don’t want to show it to her… I don’t want to be weak… You understand me Tania? I wish I could be as strong as you… I really wish, but I guess I am already fighting for a long time… I am just tired … I am sorry dear, I just wanted to talk to you how I feel, because I know you would listen to me… Thank you so much for being there all the time, even for a stranger like me who actually doesn’t deserve it at all…

Many kisses for you* and hugs*

Lili*

@lianocas - Hello my lovely! I’m so sorry it’s taken so long for me to reply to you :( But I really hope you can forgive me for that!

And sweetie, please don’t apologise for asking for help! It’s so sad to hear that things aren’t getting much better for you, especially as you’re such a sweet girl, but I’m so pleased that you’ve come back to me for help and I’ll do whatever I can as many times as I need to to make you happier! ♥

 Now firstly, YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON! So stop thinking that way about yourself!! You’re an extremely lovely and caring girl who’s just going through a rough time, and when things like this happen and when we find ourselves feeling down, it’s so easy to think of ourselves in a negative light! So firstly you have to get rid of the thought that you’re a horrible person, because, trust me Lili, you really are not!

Now, self criticism is a hard topic and I understand exactly how you feel - that the more you put yourself down, the harder you’ll work and the better you’ll become… However, sometimes, finding the balance between positive criticism and completely shooting ourselves down is hard! Which is why I advise that you do talk to your mum however hard that may be to you Lili. From what you’ve told me, she seems to really care about you and I know that if you talk to her about how you’re feeling, she’ll definitely give you an honest opinion!

And my lovely, wanting to be more successful than those around us is just something in human nature! It doesn’t make you selfish or any less of a good person, it shows that you have determination and ambition and you should proud of that! If you find that you can’t be better than them, if it really matters to you then try as hard as you can to get where you want to be but never ever ever get carried away by that! Be proud of who you are and what you can achieve - that’s what makes you you! You are good enough, so don’t believe otherwise based on grades! The person that you are makes you amazing okay? :) ♥

I know that it’s hard to think otherwise Lili my lovely! Sometimes when, like you say, we’ve been fighting for so long, it seems like there’s nothing left for us. We can feel so worthless and so down and all we feel like doing is crying… But remember dearie that you have so much about you to be proud of! Getting worse grades than your friends should not make you feel like you’re the worst!

You are one extremely strong girl Lili, you are not weak at all! All you need is a little bit more confidence in yourself, to see just how incredible you are. You deserve so much more happiness than you have right now and the key to that is self-confidence! So just talk to your mum about how you feel and I’m sure she’ll try and help you as much as she can my lovely!

But please stay strong, don’t give up on yourself and please come back to me if there’s anything more you need dearie! I’ll always always be here to help you and give you the happiness you deserve. You’re one amazing girl Lili!

Stay strong, keep smiling, and much love and hugs ♥ xx 

I promise you my lovelies, that whatever you feel, you are never ever alone… There will always be someone going through similar problems to you who can help you and give you the hope and strength to carry on :) Just open your heart out and talk to those you love. They may not be able to completely solve your problems, but I guarantee they’ll do their best to help! ♥

Stay strong and remember I’m always here for you if you ever need to talk! ♥ xx

So this is the suicide video of Gene Sprague… a short clip taken from ‘The Bridge’ a documentary about the suicides at the Golden Gate Bridge in San Fransico. It’s heart-breaking. This man had so much to give in life if only he had waited. He was loved by many, cared for by many but something sent him over the edge, something caused him to end his life on that day. Can you even begin to imagine what must have been running through his head as he sat on the railings? Can you even begin to think of how he must have felt as he stood up, about to dive?? Think about it. Does ANYONE need to go through that?? I honestly can’t even begin to contemplate the things he must have felt as he stood on that bridge. The thought is terrifying…

But apart from the terrible grief and sadness, I think we all have to pay attention to the words of his family and friends… Isn’t it shocking to think that if he had waited maybe just another few hours he would have heard the message offering him the job? Isn’t it terrible to think that his whole life would have been different if only he had hung in there for another few hours…

This is what I mean about not knowing what the future holds, about not wanting to be hasty… There is always something there to turn your life around - you just don’t know it… If you’re feeling at your lowest then you should know that things can only get better! Look at the grief and sadness and hurt that his family are going through… Is it really worth putting them through all of this?? The pain of losing you will never ever leave them…

But the other thing that strikes me is the ignorance… The ignorance of the people standing near him who didn’t notice this man sitting on the railing, climbing onto it, who didn’t make any effort to notice him as he sat there minutes before ending his life… And you may say that they didn’t know he was about to commit suicide, but as he sat there on the edge, no one bothered to tell him it was dangerous… No one made the effort to warn him, to show a bit of love and caring. That bit of caring might have been enough to stop him ending his life in such a horrible way, instead of feeling so invisible to the rest of the world…

Our attitude needs to change. We need to be aware of everyone, not just ourselves. We need to care and show more love… It can save lives.

And to anyone ever ever ever thinking of suicide, just remember this video - the incredible irony of the job offer, the sadness and pain of Gene’s family… Never feel like things won’t get any better, never feel like there’s nothing worth living for, never feel like you’re unloved. I promise you that there is at least someone out there who thinks the world of you, someone who will miss you when you’re gone, someone who will spend years and years crying over you. There are always better times ahead.

Please believe that, stay strong, and carry on my lovelies. Suicide is NOT the answer ♥ xx

When you go outside or even look outside your window, make it a point to find something to smile at my lovelies. Even if it’s just a flower you’ve never noticed before in your garden, try and find some beauty in the world around you :)

This way we’ll soon learn to see that even in the darkest of times there’s always something beautiful in life to smile about, no matter how insignificant it may seem! Be positive and look beyond the obvious pain to find some hope to carry your forward!

I promise you my lovelies, life is most certainly worth living and although it might not seem like it, there are definitely definitely better times ahead if you just hang in there a little bit longer!

Stay strong and remember that you are AMAZING!!! ♥ xx